life is funny that way.

well this is one entry that i never expected to make, i can assure you of that. in my wildest dreams i never thought it would be april 24 of my senior year of college and i wouldn't have my plan, my ducks in a row. i really do apologize to those of you who have had to listen to my incesant ranting over the last few weeks about how bleak my future looks.

well you'll be glad to know that i've turned a corner. i'm by no means "footloose and fancy free," but I have come to grips with the fact that i don't have to have it all figured out.

for those of you who dismiss my lack of plans as pure laziness, i can assure you that that is not the case. i've already been on 3 job interviews and i currently have 5 job offers in texas on the table. i know what you're thinking, just take the job already! however, i simply can't do it. i have a dream and i'm not going to give up on it without trying. unlike a lot of people, i can't live my life always wondering what could have been. the thought of being 40 years old and realizing "i should have gone after this but now it's just too late" makes my stomach churn.

so here i am left with this crazy ambition to be in the literary business. despite the plunging economy and all allowances being aborted in the very, very near future - i would still rather be poor as a church mouse living in my one room apartment knowing NO ONE, but living life than taking the easy route. absolutely no offense to those of you who are taking business jobs in dallas or houston, but i just know it in my bones that i wasn't meant for that.

in the midst of my angst and despair, i started cleaning out my closet and i came across a box of magazine clippings that i had saved. because i save everything that has ever had just one ounce of meaning for me, i have boxes of this stuff. lo and behold, the first article i came across was a backrounder in W magazine about my beloved candace bushnell. for those of you who don't know who she is, shame on you. but on the offchance that you're not certifiably fanatic with the series known as sex and the city like i am, she was the creator of it all. pretty much, candace bushnell is carrie bradshaw. pretty much, candace bushnell is amazing to me.

in the article she was giving advice about women achieving professional achievement and having a sense of value. but my favorite part of the article was when she talked about her early years before making it big. she told of how she rented a studio in brooklyn for $300 a month only to get evicted, of how she used to stand in the ailes at the grocery store and sob because she couldn't afford to eat, of how she checked her bank account only to find that the balance was $2.58. then one day in her thirties!, it happened. she got the job at the New York Observer and her life changed dramatically. as unbelievably crazy as it is, i think this all sounds wonderful. so much so, that i want to try it out myself.

that being said. NO, i don't know concretely what i'm doing when i graduate yet. but that's okay. God's taking care of me and i have faith in that. he won't abandon me or forsake me and somehow this is all i need to forge ahead.

[sidenote: mamma would skin me alive for mentioning Jesus and sex and the city in the same blog posting, but i'm not going to refrain.]

shannan's favorite things

well, i'm currently relaxing and watching desperate housewives of new york so i figured i'd post something. unfortunatly, i can't stand not to multi-task!

so i had the brilliant idea to rave about some of my favorite products. i figured if oprah gets to do it, why can't i? so below are items that have been roadtested and have proved tried and true consistently...i swear by all of them!



i've been using philosophy product for about the last year and i cannot say enough about their line! i highly reccomend hope in a jar, but if nothing else you MUST try their shampoo/bath/shower gel combos! my favorite is amazing grace, which is a lovely floral, but just yesterday i put in an order to sephora for red velvet cake.



i'm not exaggerating when i say that i drink a bottle of vitamin water almost every day. i think this stuff has magical healing properties and i promise they have a cure for any ailment! hangover, loss of focus, energy depletion - everything! don't be fooled by the imposters; this stuff is the genuine article. besides, who doesn't love the witty little descriptions on the label!



tyler candles are amazing! first of all, they're very reasonably priced and second, they last forever! i have yet to try a candle that burns better or produces such a strong scent. personal favorites include: twentyfourseven glam, wisteria lane, ira jean, and french market.



i've been using this stuff since about 5th grade, but i honestly don't think you can find anything better. burt's is incredibly moisturizing and i love the fresh minty flavor - perfect for kissable lips! i'll be using it forever.



nars the multiple in orgasm is definitely a cult favorite and it's easy to understand why. it's a universally flattering shade and you can wear it on your eyes, cheeks AND lips!



anyone who knows me knows that i will eternally prefer written correspondence over emails. it's definitely a lost art that i intend to keep alive! i love this brand waste not paper because the colors and prints are just fabulous.



aviators are my favorite and nobody does them better than ray ban. definitely an investment, but totally worth it.



cowboy boots are one of my staples and the best i've found come from a little store in santa fe called back at the ranch. they do cost an arm and a leg, but you will wear them forever! i don't own this gold pair, but i wish i did!



another one of my staples is a red lip and though many people claim they can't pull it off, i love it! there's nothing more classy or glamorous. my favorite way to wear it is w/o a stitch of eye makeup except for mascara and then a good stain. my favorite is benefit's benetint.



i just love pashmina, someday i hope to own one in every color. they just really complete an outfit and they're great used as a scarf or a wrap. i never leave the house without a pashmina, red lipstick, and a good book!

thoughts on a sunday night.

i definitely shouldn't be writing on my blog right now. shame on me. i have the biggest spanish paper of the enitre semester due tomorrow, not to mention my freaking senior portfolio (a project that's been 4 years in the making)has to go off to the printer on TUESDAY!!!!!

yeah it's safe to say that anna's interpretation of my pregnancy dream is dead-on accurate...someone's been procrastinating. for those of you who aren't familiar with finding the meaning of dreams, i was informed by a credible source that the reocurring dream i keep having about being full-blown 9 months pregnant is directly associated with putting things off. who knew?

anyway, the last staple that's holding my sanity together right now is my discovery of pandora.com. you can create your very own radio stations based on your favorite artists and have them saved forever! best thing since sliced bread if you ask me. my personal recommendation: type in amos lee.

so yes, while i'm listening to the sexy, ubelievable voice of amos sing "colors" here in the moody library computer lab, i have currently typed one page of my paper. the truth is, i've just got other things on my mind.

like my looming gradutaion.

i must be one hell of a headcase because my feelings are so contradictory on the subject that it is really unbelievable. one day i'm so sick of school i can hardly stand it, the other i'm holding on to college like velcro. tonight my feelings side with the latter.

i was talking to my mom this weekend and she said something about me needing to be ready to go the day after graduation because she had already reserved a uhaul and taken off of work to move me home - to which i thought, how strange. that's in 40 days. i'm not ready for that.

yeah, yeah, i'm being overly melodramatic about the entire thing i realize. has my readership of 2.4 people ever known me to be anything different? but it just seems like everyone's so damn excited about graduating and starting their lives - they're "over college." is something wrong w/ me because i'm not over it? maybe i've been living in ignorant bliss, but the last 4 years of my life have been idyllic. why would you want to change that?

don't know where all of this is stemming from...i suppose i can forsee that i'm on the verge of a quarter-life crisis. and for those of you attending graduation events/those of you who have any contact w/ me during that last week...there will be tears. lots of them.

however, the best man in my life made me feel a little bit better about my predicament. tonight, my daddy said, "well shan, would you rather be the girl who was really upset about college being over because you absolutely loved it and had the time of your life, or do you want to be the girl who was ambivalent about the whole thing because college was simply a means to an end?" so much wisdom pops. you're right, because i've already been that other girl before. and it's something i always regretted.

you see, i did things completely different in college. i broke the rules (sorry daddy.) i stayed out all night long. i drove to college station in the middle of the night. hell, i drove across the country. i dressed up for every theme party imaginable (delts of hazard to swimsuits and cowboy boots.) i went to concerts all over texas and screamed like the groupie i am. i got a whole glove compartment full of speeding tickets. i joined a sorority. i drank myself under the table on special holidays like diadeloso. i danced every chance i got. i lived in two different foreign countries and even picked up a foreign language along the way! i went out with a slew of different boys. i dealt with a substantial amount of relationship drama due to aforementioned boys. i sang karaoke often, or at least along w/ the piano man. i walked the catwalk in front of my house. i had long, life altering conversations on the bear trail. i got visiting hours violations. i went to baseball games, basketball games, football games, lacrosse games, tennis matches, and even some rugby. i went to places like west, texas (no, not my neck of the woods - the actual town) @ 4 a.m. just to get kolaches. i met my best friends, the loves of my life. and more than anything, i loved with my whole heart and nothing less.

yeah i realize i'm going to pay a price for that one, but in the end, i think it was worth it. ;)

there's absolutely not one thing i would do differently about the past 4 years and i couldn't be more proud to say that.

no regrets.