in honor of teacher appreciation week...

i must give some love to all the teachers out there! hope you're all surviving the end of the school year, and if you're counting down like me (22 days to be exact), you know that the promise of a beautiful summer is just over the horizon. i have complained about the hardships of this job, but i foreshadow that it will shatter my heart into a million pieces when the school year draws to an end. it sounds strange, but since i don't have any children of my own yet, those kids were my kids and i have treated them like my own all along. me and those 18 kids, well, we're a family. i know, i'm probably not your stereotypical teacher. i didn't ever even set out to do this...never in a million years. i become really obsessive about investing in these kids and working scrupulously and i take everything personal and i also fight for them like a mama bear.

even though i am beyond thrilled about the opportunity to catch up on my reading, get back to blogging and writing, catching up with old friends, wedding planning, and decorating/organizing our little home; it is difficult for me to imagine not getting up each morning to see juan's gap-toothed smile, the pretty new dress ximena's abuelita made for her, and hear diego's incessant knock-knock jokes. and yes, i'll even miss the awkward, "well, i think you should ask your parents about that..." line that i've had to deliver countless times.

case in point: today, i had several bottle of water on my desk (trying to be healthy here) and one student came up to me and asked, "ms. sowder, why do you have so much water on your desk?" almost immediately, another shouted out,"miss can't get pregnant, she's not married yet!" and yet another exclaimed, "don't you guys know, you don't have to be married to have a baby! you don't even have to be in love!!!!!!!" eeeek :/

anyway, thank you all, not just teachers, but anybody who has a profession that requires a tremendous amount of service and investment in other people. keep it up...this world needs you.

my babies on nerd day:

...and this is why i do what i do.

if you've been reading this blog or you happen to be one of the people who so graciously allows me to vent to you, you know that my idealist notions of what i thought education would be have proven to be incorrect. i work sun up to sun down in a very stressful environment and i constantly question whether or not i'm irrevocably screwing my students up and preparing them for epic failure. all the while, i have experienced the phenomenon of being not only a teacher, but a parent and social worker to kids who say things like, "ms. sowder, you're having a bad hair today, aren't you? your hair looks really messy today" - "wow, you're going to be 25 next week, you're soooooo old!" - and my personal favorite, "ms. sowder, it looks like you're going to have a baby."

i cry. a lot. sometimes, i get chewed out by parents. sometimes, i get lost in all the standardized testing these kids are required to do. still not completely sure how to work the dang copier; thinking about pulling an office space "michael bolton" move and beating the snot out of it.

ALL OF THAT BEING SAID...my birthday was this past week and a funny thing happened. i received 18 handprinted little cards, an array of "treasures" (junk that is suspiciously missing from around the house), and hugs all day long. "WE LOVE YOU MS. SOWDER!!!" they screamed, as they huddled around me and almost knocked me over like a bulldozing offensive lineman.

so you know what, my kids can't write perfectly, they're still getting the hang of subtraction, whoever teaches them next year will probably not look favorably upon me, but those kids know they're loved and they know that someone believes in them. i am trying to continue my journey to live one of my fave quotes by ms. maya angelou. "people will forget what you said. people will forget what you did. but people will never forget how you made them feel." gotta keep going...thanks for all of the encouragement!

here lately...

well guys, if your assumption was that i've been a little busy, you would be CORRECT! i truly hate letting this blog collect dust; more for my sake, than yours. as i've said a million times, blogging is a way for me to keep track of my life and for some reason, it's oddly soothing. believe me, i don't do it because i think you're enthralled with my life. ha.

for those of you who are close to me, you know that this whole teaching gig has basically consumed my life. it seems as though there is a never ending stream of things to grade, mountains of paperwork, individualized plans to create, meetings to attend, and constant pressure from parents. i put a lot of added pressure on myself as well because i keep telling myself that i am responsible for these kids cognitive development, getting them to read, building their educational foundation...imagine that in a setting with english AND spanish speakers in a classroom without walls or doors and kids who are absolutely out of control. i'd be lying if i said that i wasn't really struggling right now with whether public education was the right career path for me.

i am usually always OVERLY optimistic and have ALWAYS seen the bright side of things, but here recently, this has not been the case. i've been praying a lot that God would change my heart toward these obstacles that i face and that i would just be cognizant of the fact that "i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." this is one of those times in my life where God is just going to have to work through me and I will have to place reliance on his plan and not my own abilities.

in other news, i grrrrrrrreatly miss my manfriend. he is off sailing the seas and workin' hard for the money, but his presence is sorely missed back here on the home front. theron's long absences have made me realize how tough it must be for military wives who have to cope with deployment. though being in a relationship with an oil company man is not for the faint at heart, this one is worth it!



to all of my friends who may stumble across this, i love you dearly and i think of you often! GOD BLESS!

all work, and no play...

MAKES SHANNAN A VERY DULL GIRL. sorry i haven't been blogging, i've been working my tail off for the last three weeks getting ready for the school year. today was the first day of school and I. AM. BEAT.

for those of you who thought teaching was glorified babysitting (as i thought back in the day), you are sadly mistaken. I HAVE NEVER WORKED SO HARD IN MY LIFE. the rigor and advancement that has happened in education over the last 10 years is extraordinary...especially in a hyper-demanding school district like mine (they'd like to have claim over your first child)...the accountability standards are HUGE (which is a good thing), but geeze, i'm overwhelmed. sure, you might be teaching a lower grade (piece of cake right?) but i cannot even begin to describe the amount of time, blood, sweat, and tears that goes into this job. i'm at the school by 7 and have just finished working on things for tomorrow and as you can see it's almost midnight. all day long, i am in charge of managing 19 precocious, wily, exploratory second graders and i just pray we can make it thought the year without anyone going missing (quite a darn feat, i promise you.) i'm so sorry to vent, but my feet have blisters all over them and my brain is absolutely fried from having to teach in spanish all day. i share these lamentations with you only because i think teachers deserve a whole lot more respect and appreciation, more so than i ever gave my mother or my own teachers.

i may not have perfect spanish and i'm certainly lacking in teaching content mastery, but my heart belongs to kids and at the end of the day, if a child has felt loved and encouraged that is the best that i can do.

for all you teachers out there, hope you're having a great first week of school! i'll also include a few pics from last week working in the classroom...


our "literacy" area


only shot with me in it, sorry you caught the behind. and oh yeah, fiji, you're welcome for the shameless plug.

¡el sabor latino regresa!

sí, es la verdad. mi modo de vida latina está vuelta...y estoy muy, muy emocionada con este desarollo! voy a enseñar una segunda lengua de doble grado (70 por ciento español y 30 por ciento ingles.) estoy nerviosa por este desafío, pero, como ustedes saben, me gusta hacer cosas que me asustan. no puedo esperar para conocer a mis 19 niños...y viva a mi lado latino!

everyone's been asking about...

the golf tournament that i just did for my charity last week, so i wanted to let you know that it was a TOTAL SUCCESS!

we had a nice field of golfers, valero gave us a HUGE sponsorship - love you valero!, the kids had a fantastic time...and best of all, THE NET PROFIT TRIPLED FROM LAST YEAR'S EVENT!!!

i share this with you because it is a huge testimony to the fact that God works for the good of those who petition Him and trust Him in ALL things - great or small.

TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE TOURNAMENT, we had ZERO sponsorship, no database, 20 golfers, and ZERO volunteers. at that point, i knew i was going to have to pull off something beyond me. i was so overwhelmed with such a daunting task that one morning I drove to work in the pouring rain and I just broke down and started bawling my eyes out on the side of the road. i was having to face the fact that i might get fired, i was planning an event in which we were going to go into a deficit and have to pay five grand to ironically have a fundraiser, and i was in this all alone. right then and there, i just prayed that God would take over and that He would open opportunities and put the right people in my path. my prayer was constantly matthew 25:40 and that the right individuals would see that "whatever you have done for the least of these, you have done for me."

well, suffice it to say, GOD IS GOOD. i could tell you a million cool (true) stories from the past two weeks - from random strangers handing me $500 checks in the grocery store, to mysterious anonymous donors making contributions without even knowing the dire situation, to big corporations cutting through the red tape to cut me a big check. God answered my prayers in a way that was beyond my wildest imagination. i know we see a lot of bad things happen and often question "where is God in this?" or "the whole world is evil," but believe me, there are still a lot of good, good souls out there. and yes, miracles still happen.

I want to thank EVERYONE who prayed for me or gave me words of encouragement or just had my kids on their heart these past few weeks. COULD NOT HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOUR SUPPORT. i stand in awe of what we accomplished. yes, i worked my tail off, but i give all the glory to God. THANK YOU!!!

support a cause!!!

this past saturday was united way's days of caring event and i must say that it was a huge success! this event is critical to non-profits because it matches a local business and an NPO together for a project. our losoya site is tragic to say the least (abestos, rats, bugs, needs to be condemned - hope you're getting a lovely picture in your head) and we got some help from a great company. i want to say a huge thank you to pratt & whitney for helping us with our building renovations. it is SO refreshing to see a big company take some corporate social responsibility and help out the community! and thank you united way - you're awesome.

while the economy has hit everybody, it has really hit the agencies hard. i know it's tight for everybody right now, but please remember to support a cause you believe in. it doesn't matter if it's kids, animals, autism, breast cancer, or education and it doesn't matter if it's $1 or $1,000,000 - your community desperately needs your support! to see the cause that i've basically given my life to, please visit here. ok, i'll get off my soap box and share with you a few pictures from the event:




our poor little building that's falling apart. the inspector told me that the foundation wouldn't last very much longer and that we're actually under a huge liability :/ i'm trying to get us on extreme home makeover!


let's be honest. this place is a wreck...thank goodness we're trying to make it more aesthetically pleasing.


gettin' my paint on.


a pratt & whitney employee working with one of the kids. beautiful. that's what it's all about.

my love/hate relationship with politricks...

there was a time long, long ago when i was very enchanted with washington d.c. and its chorale of lawmakers. at a young age, i was lucky enough to meet kbh, anne, and george too; got to spend a lot of time in the district in h.s. with an esteemed group that i certainly had no business being apart of; and even got to intern w/ j.c. as we affectionately called him. at eighteen years old, my idealism and my belief that policy could enact change was unbridled and true, but somewhere along the way i lost it.

i had a very tragic event that happened to me in the spring of my senior year of high school. not tragic in the sense that lives were lost or anything of that nature, but i had a very personal loss you could say. clearly i accepted it and moved on with my life, but it's something that's very hard for me to talk about to this day. for any of you who have ever had a very major, very public disappointment than you know what i'm talking about.

after i went through that event, i lost my footing, my self confidence, and my fight. to the outside, i think i probably looked alright - honors college student, sorority girl, dean's list, and a who's who list of clubs and activities - but i still had so much self-doubt and a general disposition of surrender. i have no idea why the need for disclosure, but i'll be perfectly candid here...i threw myself headfirst into partying and the frivolities of bu college life, i dumbed myself down and pretended to be incredibly stupid with every guy i dated, and worst of all - i became ambivalent and apathetic.

but the truth is, i do care. and in spite of how dirty, underhanded, and scheming i still believe some politicians to be...it's still crucial to take up a cause and commit oneself to public service. that's something my granddad believed in, it's something my dad believes in, and it's something that i can't help but believe in.

i just know that there's some really good things happening out there. take for instance the new g.i. bill. i certainly don't agree with the implementation of all the new administration's policies, but i think this one's fantastic and i'm so proud of cornyn for really endorsing it because we must support our military and our military families. or on a micro-level, i feel that there are so many ways to be involved in our communtiy, schools, and non-profs.

friday, i have a meeting w/ mayor castro, senator uresti, and henry cisneros...and i'm ready to fight for my platform! i've seen what the kids go through on the southside of san antonio. i know firsthand that they are neglected by their parents, sending our teen pregnancy rates into the stratosphere, joining gangs, and dropping out at alarming rates...but my biggest concern is that no one's even giving them a damn chance...it's as if there is this expectation to fail. UNACCEPTABLE.

so however elle woods of me it may be, i am going to wear my killer heels and my new ralph lauren blazer, and we're going to get down to business. wish me luck!

p.s. this is who i look to for inspiration: one of my heroes, erin gruwell, the real teacher behind freedom writers.

must brag about the kids...

it's been one hectic summer around joven, but we've done so many cool things! so lucky that my job is building relationships w/ all these kids. could not ask for more.

last weekend, we participated in senator uresti's back to school event and it was a HUGE success! very impressed with sen. uresti...one politician i have met that actually does spend time with his constituency. he gave backpacks and school supplies to all the kids - and over 6,000 people came! our folklorico dance team also performed at the event, they were so good!



here's some video of their performance:





we've been running camps/workshops all summer so here's a few pictures from those events:



yep, mass chaos always erupts...but we always have a good time.



this past friday, we let one of the groups have a water balloon fight. and as you can see, it was vicious. miss shannan was THE prime target.



they also thought it would be JUST HILARIOUS if i would rap w/ them...ha it was terrible. terrible! but i took one for the team.



most importantly, we've trained over 500 middle school students in the life skills curriculum this summer. they have to complete 15 classes in conflict resolution, coping with anxiety, alcohol-tobacco-marijuana prevention, communication skills, social skills, self-image, and assertiveness to receive their certificates! i'm so proud!

my new babes!!!

as i mentioned in a previous post, i got transferred to a new department within my organization due to a new grant cycle; therefore i'm doing the same work, but i'm dealing with an entirely different age group: k-3rd! i'm a little overwhelmed right now because we've got so much going on with finishing up files, starting our summer camps, plus i'm working on a $2.5 million mentoring grant from the department of justice as an independent contractor (more on this to come i promise.) CRAZY!

what can i say, i'm so unbelievably lucky to get to spend my days with these kids...

this is what happens when you say, "give me your biggest smile!"...





some of my little girls:



sweet little mercelia.



pretty gaby.



goofing off with deenie :)



awwww love this one.



are they precious or what?!?!

trying to become older & wiser

life goes in cycles; when something begins it will inevitably end. i know this to be true, but that doesn't make it any easier. i'm coming to the close of my current grant and this week marks my last week with these kids. i'm terribly distraught about leaving them. i worry about the negative consequences that will surely arise from them having one more person who they've come to trust disappearing from their life. i worry about what is going to happen this summer when no one is doing any case management on them. i worry about letting them down. but i know i did my job and i met my goal. we reached over 150 kids on a personal, individual basis and our outcome reports are looking good. however, this week of saying goodbye is going to be rough, i'm almost about to start tearing up just writing this post....such a sap, but those kids are my life.

i decided to make all of the kids little bags of surprises and i enclosed the following letter which i wrote last night at 3 a.m. i thought it might be something good to post because no matter if you're 12 or 82, these are still some good things to keep in mind, so here ya go:


To _________________________,

It has been an absolute blast to work with you over the last four months. While I was supposed to be the one teaching you, you have taught me so much more. It has been a pleasure getting to know each of you and it is because of you that I absolutely love my job. Thank you for wanting to be leaders in your communities , schools, and homes. I have no doubt that you will be successful and courageous in whatever you choose to do.

I have created the following list of things that I've learned growing up - some the easy way, and some the very hard way. If you haven't learned anything else this semester, just take one of these things with you and I will have done my job.

1. Don’t ever forget where you came from…your roots will always keep you grounded.
2. Fear is no reason not to go forward. The things that scare you are often the most worthwhile.
3. Do well in school. An education will be your ticket to many good things.
4. Laugh at yourself. Often.
5. Character is much easier kept than regained.
6. Never underestimate the value of your family. There will come a time when they’re all you’ve got. (and family doesn’t always mean flesh & blood.)
7. Take every single chance you can to love others; especially the ones that you really don’t think you can. You’ll be amazed at what effect this has on your enemies.
8. Do not lie. The truth will always come out. Always.
9. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
10. Don’t get weighed down by not fitting in, feeling alone, or being different from everybody else. Trust me, there’s someone else feeling the same way and in 10 years nobody cares about any of this anyway.
11. Don’t think your life will start at the next stage (exp. “when I turn 16, then things will begin; when I go to college, life will finally be good; when I get married, then I’ll be happy.) Your life is happening right now.
12. Find a hobby. An activity that you enjoy doing for you and only you.
13. Be a kid! Stop worrying. You have plenty of time to be serious and grown up.
14. Find at least one friend who you can totally be yourself around.
15. Say “please” and “thank you” at every opportunity.
16. Take the time to really listen to people.
17. Always go with your gut. That feeling in the pit of your stomach and that nagging conscience is fool-proof.
18. Remember that “this too shall pass.” What seems like a monumental obstacle right now will often gain perspective in time.
19. Even when it gets extremely difficult, always try to find the best in everyone and everything. No matter what, the heart of life is good.
20. That being said, life is going to beat you up. A lot. But there’s this thing called resilience and through that you will find a strength you never knew you had.
21. Go play outside, get your knees scraped up, and breathe in some fresh air. It’ll do you good.
22. Try to remember that people will forget what you said, they will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.
23. Do the right thing for the right reasons.
24. Gratitude is the foundation of happiness. Someone is always going to have more than you and someone is always going to have less than you. Once you take account of what you really have, you’ll feel so lucky.
25. Smile every day.

I'm so very proud of each and every one of you; I believe in you. If you ever need anything, you know where to find me.

-Miss Shannan

so what exactly do you do again?

that is the question that i have been asked countless times since i moved to san antonio. i know it sounds crazy, but i didn't really go looking for my current job, rather it found me. in a strange twist of events and some very divine intervention, i accepted a job in january with a non-profit organization called joven - y si conozcas tu español, significa la palabra "youth" in english. it also stands for a complicated acronym: youth outreach vocational educational network. check out our website www.jovensa.org because it explains things much better than i can.

essentially, our organization is charged with meeting the emotional, physical, and mental needs of the VERY at-risk children (K-12) that live in the southern san antonio region. yes, that definition was extremely broad, but basically we make sure that students who are being raised in an unstable environment develop character, resilience, competency, ambition, and coping mechanisms. the organization offers several different programs ranging in everything from health education, substance abuse prevention, leaderships skills, case management, higher education development, and the list goes on and on and on...

in addition to providing vital services to people that desperately need them, we also have to work very hard to get out into the sa community to form partnerships, networks, and relationships. anyone who has ever worked for an NPO (non-prof organization in social world jargon) knows that relationship management is EVERYTHING. if you can't work with people, you have no resources, no funding, and zero credibility. our organization operates through grants (federal and state) and contributions from foundations and corporations so it is so important to maintain the ability to reach out to these people and keep them interested in what you're doing.

specifically, i work on a grant from the texas department of health that gives me the opportunity to run youth leadership clubs at 12 different sites in three different school districts. i work with about 145 (the number is growing everyday) kids ages 11-15 and help them develop "leadership skills", but more than anything i just try to invest everything i have into them. though my official title is "children's service specialist," i really wear the hats of a counselor/educator/mentor/case worker/friend/ and sometimes surrogate parent. i have learned that in 100% of all cases, once again, it all boils down to building relationships. nine times out of ten, these kids aren't receiving any kind of guidance, discipline, or attention at home and so somehow, someway i try to give that to them.

i would say that the hardest part of my job is removing myself personally from the situation. to do this job, you have to put your whole heart into it because to be good at it, that's what's required of you. you have to care and you have to advocate for every single individual child so that you can help his or her welfare. but there's a doubled-edged sword there because at the end of the day when you have a child literally hanging onto your legs begging to come home with you so that they don't have to face the situation going on at their own home, you can't rescue them. that part of the job hasn't been easy on me and it's something i really struggle with, but i do the best i can.

anyway...all that serious stuff aside; after all the grant writing and paper work is over, i get to have so much fun! and yes, i get to be a kid again!



this picture was taken today...gosh, we all had so much fun. we set up a moon bounce, ordered pizzas, and i even made brownies for some of our kids from harlandale middle school. we had to reward these kids for doing such a good job and getting good grades back on their report cards...



this was a total success...they loved it!



and miss shannan even got inside and jumped around in the deathly hot, sweaty moon bounce...



i also get to take the kids on really cool field trips...on this particular day, we took them to the hospital for a teen health camp. they learned how to sew stitches and even put real casts on each other! boy those were fun to get off...(not)



i also took them to the houston street fair in front of the alamo which just so happened coincided with the texas independence day festival.



afterwards, they talked me into taking them to peter piper's pizza. note to self: on a saturday, there are generally 200 people having their birthday parties there simultaneously...but i did beat 15 of them in an intense DDR competition, they doubted the gringa's skills.



it's also very important to me that the kids have a service component to what they learn, so i try to provide them with as many service opportunities as possible. they tend to like the ones that accompany holidays, so here we are making valentine's cards for a local nursing home....they made over 200 of them!



cutie!



i found this message inside one of their cards and i thought it said everything just perfectly. this is why i get up every morning and do what i do. i love those kids to death and i love my job!

the long-awaited, much-anticipated post.

alright, first of all, i must apologize for the title of this post because after typing it and re-reading it, i'm thinking, "shannan d'aun, how self-important are you that you think people are DYING to read about your life???" so yes, i apologize. second of all, warning: if you intend on reading this post in its entirety, you might want to go grab a cold one and make yourself nice and comfortable on your porch swing, because folks, it's going to be a long one.

i realize that some of you already know what's going on, but a lot of you think i'm still roaming around texas sleeping on couches and free-loading my life away.

rest assured: that baylor education is going to be utilized very soon; because that's right, i'm moving south of the border to monterrey, mexico!!!!!



i can see the wheels turning in your head. why would a girl accustomed to modern conveniences give up her car, her fantastic oh-so-amazing bed, her addiction to sonic, and the allure of a salary so that she could live in a third world country? the truth is, i'm ecstatic.

i've waited a long time to write this post because i wanted to make sure that everything was official, but i also had a hard time writing about it because i wasn't sure if i could actually go through with it. to enlighten you on my dilemma, i must take you back to a breezy afternoon, back in early april of this year. if you've been keeping up with my melodrama of a blog, you know that i really struggled this last semester of college to "find myself." everyone around me just seemed so sure of everything and for the very first time in my life, i was at a loss. the shannan sowder that i knew inside my head always had a plan, always had the next step of life ready and waiting in the wings, but not this time. for the first time in all of my 22 years, i was granted freedom - intoxicating, liberating, terrifying freedom. but because of the constant comparisons with my counterparts at baylor, i began to grow nauseatingly anxious that i didn't have my "ducks in a row yet." so i knelt to the pressure and began applying to every entry-level job from here to savannah, georgia just so that i could have something to tell everybody when they asked the inevitable question.

back to that day in april. as fate would have it, that day i walked past professor maxey parrish's door and noticed that he was busy typing away at his computer. i decided not to interrupt the man because i know how busy he is, plus i didn't want to intervene if he was in the middle of writing the next great american novel (because he will someday). he saw me slyly avoid his office and half-shouted, "shannan sowder, you get in here right now and update me on what you're doing with that life of yours!" oh no, not the question again. "well sir, i've been applying to a slew of jobs all over and i've landed five at this point, but it just doesn't feel right. something's off." to which he responded, "well of course something's off. that's not what you were intended to do. it's not your passion. tell me shannan, what would you do if you could do absolutely anything?" i said, "well maxey, you know if i could do anything, i'd see the world and then i'd write about it. but you know i can't do that. that's absolutely absurd. i'm just a little girl from shallowater, texas." maxey then let out a big sigh and chuckled to himself, "you know miss sowder, i'm disappointed in you. you used to be fearless. out of anybody i've taught, i figured you could handle this." so i walked out of his office that day stark-raving mad. but i also walked out of his office that day challenged and feeling hungry for something, a feeling i hadn't experienced for such a long time. you see, that 10 minute conversation, well to be honest - it was life altering. i walked out of castellaw that day a changed woman and maxey parrish, i blame you for all of it. okay not really. the truth is, you helped me realize that i was never lost. i knew what i wanted all along, but i simply wouldn't give myself the permission to do it.

that night i went the library and spent the next six hours researching jobs abroad. of course i wanted to do the hemingway thing and just write all of my thoughts down while sitting around some adorable little cafe amid a breathtaking landscape; but newsflash: i have no funds! i found listings for bartenders (hey i always thought i might be good at that), ship mates, baristas, au pairs, travel guides, and a lot of other unmentionable things; but the thing that really stood out to me was teaching. i've never aspired to be a teacher in any way shape or form, but it was the one job where i felt that i could actually make a difference. though i desperately wanted to return to europe, i soon learned that the red tape involved in getting a work visa and an international teaching certificate was just too lengthy. about five days into my research, i found a lead on a company called educaz based in monterrey and hermosillo, mexico. after reading the job description, visiting the company website, and talking to some of the employed teachers, i thought this could be a fit. after filling out a mountain of paperwork and going through a pretty intensive interview process, i finally got the job!!!!

i just think this is going to be so freaking cool. i'll be working in the business district of monterrey as a language consultant teaching conversational english to mexican business associates. i'm told that i will have some high school students as well, but for the most part, the program is aimed at working professionals who would like to expand their language skills so that they can compete in the international business market. though my job is obviously my top priority and the reason that i'm going to mexico, i'm also going for personal reasons. a) i've been trying to master the spanish language for the last two years and while i'm pretty conversational, i haven't achieved fluency yet. this venture should allow me to do that. b) because i know absolutely no one involved in this program nor anyone from monterrey, i'm going to have a lot of time on my hands to do some soul searching. i'm looking forward to doing a tremendous amount of writing and also exploring/strengthening my relationship with God. (let's face it, I'm going to have to depend on Him A LOT.)

though i can't wait for my big adventure to begin, i realize that everything will not be a bed of roses. what if i'm terrible at my job and they're forced to fire me? what if i get kidnapped in a dark alley never to see the light of day again? what if no one likes me? what if i'm miserable and lonely? that is the question that haunts me the most. i'm going to miss the people in my life desperately.

my family is my everything. you have made so many emotional, financial, and physical sacrifices so that you could make me happy. i know it's not easy for you to let me go, but you know that by letting me go, you are actually loving me the best way that you can. your endless support and prayers mean the world to me. how can i express my thanks to you for giving me both roots AND wings? i simply can't do it justice.

my friends, you are my rock. you are my cheerleaders, my sounding board, my wingwomen, my laughter. you are what keeps me sane and young. we know each other inside out and we have truly seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. thank you for loving me despite all of my flaws. i'm so, so, so proud of each and every one of you. how did i get so lucky to have such incredible people as friends? this summer especially, several of you have showed me that you would bend over backward to be there for me. someday, i hope that i can return the favor.

to one person in particular (you know who you are), i will miss you more than you will ever know or more than i care to admit. you have shown me that yes, those good 'ol texas boys really do exist and yes, there are people out there who know more about country music than me. thank you for teaching me about patience, but more than that, thank you for proving to me that i could have faith in someone again. thank you for letting me go chase my dreams and please know that i will always be supportive of yours.

now that i've managed to write the liner notes to my greatest hits album, i'm going to wind this thing down. i just wanted to catch everyone up on what's going on because i know at my attempt to be somewhat mysterious, i can be quite evasive (curse of the scorpio.) anyway, just know that i have no idea what the hell i'm doing and i love that. if any of you get the itch to come down to old mexico, please call me and we'll explore this territory together! i love you all. very much.