just a tad bit intimidating i realize.

so i thought i would share with you daddy's new military photo from gitmo that he just sent me in the mail. immensely proud of you pops, but the lyrics to "cleaning this gun" can't seem to evade me. thanks for being such a badass.

the long-awaited, much-anticipated post.

alright, first of all, i must apologize for the title of this post because after typing it and re-reading it, i'm thinking, "shannan d'aun, how self-important are you that you think people are DYING to read about your life???" so yes, i apologize. second of all, warning: if you intend on reading this post in its entirety, you might want to go grab a cold one and make yourself nice and comfortable on your porch swing, because folks, it's going to be a long one.

i realize that some of you already know what's going on, but a lot of you think i'm still roaming around texas sleeping on couches and free-loading my life away.

rest assured: that baylor education is going to be utilized very soon; because that's right, i'm moving south of the border to monterrey, mexico!!!!!



i can see the wheels turning in your head. why would a girl accustomed to modern conveniences give up her car, her fantastic oh-so-amazing bed, her addiction to sonic, and the allure of a salary so that she could live in a third world country? the truth is, i'm ecstatic.

i've waited a long time to write this post because i wanted to make sure that everything was official, but i also had a hard time writing about it because i wasn't sure if i could actually go through with it. to enlighten you on my dilemma, i must take you back to a breezy afternoon, back in early april of this year. if you've been keeping up with my melodrama of a blog, you know that i really struggled this last semester of college to "find myself." everyone around me just seemed so sure of everything and for the very first time in my life, i was at a loss. the shannan sowder that i knew inside my head always had a plan, always had the next step of life ready and waiting in the wings, but not this time. for the first time in all of my 22 years, i was granted freedom - intoxicating, liberating, terrifying freedom. but because of the constant comparisons with my counterparts at baylor, i began to grow nauseatingly anxious that i didn't have my "ducks in a row yet." so i knelt to the pressure and began applying to every entry-level job from here to savannah, georgia just so that i could have something to tell everybody when they asked the inevitable question.

back to that day in april. as fate would have it, that day i walked past professor maxey parrish's door and noticed that he was busy typing away at his computer. i decided not to interrupt the man because i know how busy he is, plus i didn't want to intervene if he was in the middle of writing the next great american novel (because he will someday). he saw me slyly avoid his office and half-shouted, "shannan sowder, you get in here right now and update me on what you're doing with that life of yours!" oh no, not the question again. "well sir, i've been applying to a slew of jobs all over and i've landed five at this point, but it just doesn't feel right. something's off." to which he responded, "well of course something's off. that's not what you were intended to do. it's not your passion. tell me shannan, what would you do if you could do absolutely anything?" i said, "well maxey, you know if i could do anything, i'd see the world and then i'd write about it. but you know i can't do that. that's absolutely absurd. i'm just a little girl from shallowater, texas." maxey then let out a big sigh and chuckled to himself, "you know miss sowder, i'm disappointed in you. you used to be fearless. out of anybody i've taught, i figured you could handle this." so i walked out of his office that day stark-raving mad. but i also walked out of his office that day challenged and feeling hungry for something, a feeling i hadn't experienced for such a long time. you see, that 10 minute conversation, well to be honest - it was life altering. i walked out of castellaw that day a changed woman and maxey parrish, i blame you for all of it. okay not really. the truth is, you helped me realize that i was never lost. i knew what i wanted all along, but i simply wouldn't give myself the permission to do it.

that night i went the library and spent the next six hours researching jobs abroad. of course i wanted to do the hemingway thing and just write all of my thoughts down while sitting around some adorable little cafe amid a breathtaking landscape; but newsflash: i have no funds! i found listings for bartenders (hey i always thought i might be good at that), ship mates, baristas, au pairs, travel guides, and a lot of other unmentionable things; but the thing that really stood out to me was teaching. i've never aspired to be a teacher in any way shape or form, but it was the one job where i felt that i could actually make a difference. though i desperately wanted to return to europe, i soon learned that the red tape involved in getting a work visa and an international teaching certificate was just too lengthy. about five days into my research, i found a lead on a company called educaz based in monterrey and hermosillo, mexico. after reading the job description, visiting the company website, and talking to some of the employed teachers, i thought this could be a fit. after filling out a mountain of paperwork and going through a pretty intensive interview process, i finally got the job!!!!

i just think this is going to be so freaking cool. i'll be working in the business district of monterrey as a language consultant teaching conversational english to mexican business associates. i'm told that i will have some high school students as well, but for the most part, the program is aimed at working professionals who would like to expand their language skills so that they can compete in the international business market. though my job is obviously my top priority and the reason that i'm going to mexico, i'm also going for personal reasons. a) i've been trying to master the spanish language for the last two years and while i'm pretty conversational, i haven't achieved fluency yet. this venture should allow me to do that. b) because i know absolutely no one involved in this program nor anyone from monterrey, i'm going to have a lot of time on my hands to do some soul searching. i'm looking forward to doing a tremendous amount of writing and also exploring/strengthening my relationship with God. (let's face it, I'm going to have to depend on Him A LOT.)

though i can't wait for my big adventure to begin, i realize that everything will not be a bed of roses. what if i'm terrible at my job and they're forced to fire me? what if i get kidnapped in a dark alley never to see the light of day again? what if no one likes me? what if i'm miserable and lonely? that is the question that haunts me the most. i'm going to miss the people in my life desperately.

my family is my everything. you have made so many emotional, financial, and physical sacrifices so that you could make me happy. i know it's not easy for you to let me go, but you know that by letting me go, you are actually loving me the best way that you can. your endless support and prayers mean the world to me. how can i express my thanks to you for giving me both roots AND wings? i simply can't do it justice.

my friends, you are my rock. you are my cheerleaders, my sounding board, my wingwomen, my laughter. you are what keeps me sane and young. we know each other inside out and we have truly seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. thank you for loving me despite all of my flaws. i'm so, so, so proud of each and every one of you. how did i get so lucky to have such incredible people as friends? this summer especially, several of you have showed me that you would bend over backward to be there for me. someday, i hope that i can return the favor.

to one person in particular (you know who you are), i will miss you more than you will ever know or more than i care to admit. you have shown me that yes, those good 'ol texas boys really do exist and yes, there are people out there who know more about country music than me. thank you for teaching me about patience, but more than that, thank you for proving to me that i could have faith in someone again. thank you for letting me go chase my dreams and please know that i will always be supportive of yours.

now that i've managed to write the liner notes to my greatest hits album, i'm going to wind this thing down. i just wanted to catch everyone up on what's going on because i know at my attempt to be somewhat mysterious, i can be quite evasive (curse of the scorpio.) anyway, just know that i have no idea what the hell i'm doing and i love that. if any of you get the itch to come down to old mexico, please call me and we'll explore this territory together! i love you all. very much.

one tiny pearl of wisdom

so i just returned from the most fabulous, decadent wedding i have ever been to in my life! props to lindsey coffman macleod on pulling off this event because it was spectacular! everything from the full choir to the hamburgers and fries served at midnight - this bride truly thought of EVERYTHING! not to mention she looked like a supermodel...

anyway, i could go on about this wedding forever, but this post is in regards to something that happened at the wedding. at the reception, i was seated next to a baylor girl, one of my sorority sisters actually, and i had the best time catching up with her. in college, she and i ran in different social circles and while i knew her name and where she was from, i am embarrassed to admit that i knew little else about her. (sad, but true, when a sorority has 200 members, you don't truly get to know EVERYONE; sorry to bust the myth that we're all tight as family.)

okay, back to the story...this girl was just so warm and charming, telling me all about her love life, struggles with graduating, navigating post-college life, etc. i couldn't help but think, why didn't i get to know her better when we were in college? i really missed out on getting to know such an amazing person. then she said something that i don't think i'll ever forget.

this particular person was gone from baylor for an entire year due to studying abroad and then subsequently taking a semester off. she told me about how when she came back to baylor after taking such a long hiatus, she felt lost, excluded, and somehow disoriented about missing out on so much. then she said, "you know, when i came back to that first theta meeting after being gone for so long, you were the only person who talked to me. the only one. all you said was hi and you asked me how i was doing, but that meant so much to me. i've never forgotten that."

of course i don't remember this exchange, but i couldn't believe the effect that a mere commonplace greeting had on someone's life. this got me to thinking...how much power do we really have over improving each other's lives by doing the most menial tasks? a random phone call on a tuesday night, a handwritten thank you note to express your indebted gratitude, a smile and a wink, the fetching of a customized cup of coffee.

a quote that i keep close to my heart is "people will forget what you said and people will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel." maya angelou, i think you were right about that.

i think i missed my calling in life...

yeah, i want to save the world and all, but right now all i want to do is be in alan jackson's "good time" video...



thanks for bringing back line dancing sir.

misguided offspring...

over the course of spending the last 2 weeks in washington d.c. i have had the lovely pleasure of making the acquaintance of several of the children of our country's political vips, and i have to say - about 95% of them are complete screw-ups! i'm normally not one to go throwing other people under the bus, but then again, if you would have witnessed the antics of howard dean's son last saturday night or those of al gore jr. the weekend before, you would question their sanity and morality too.

this got me to thinking...

why do accomplished, honorable, highly intelligent people breed imbeciles? no i'm not strictly referring to the two cases mentioned above (their contribution to society could be argued...), but i am referring to parents who have horrible, ungrateful children when the parents in question seem to be successful people.

what really bothers me is that all these kids haven't done a damn thing, they simply ride the coattails of their parent's hard work and accomplishments. they have loads of money, but they have no real respect for what it took to get their family in such a fortunate situation. however, to play devil's advocate (because i love doing so), i think there is a direct correlation between having a time consuming, demanding job and children suffering for lack of attention. in a lot of these scenarios, father dearest was probably never home, thus resulting in a subpar relationship with his family.

okay i'll stop analyzing, but these kids need to shape up. or else - i'm going to release my horribly incriminating pictures to the media for an undisclosed sum...