my new little DIY project

for all of you crafty gals out there, you understand the need to work with mixed media, wear your covered-in-paint overalls, browse the aisles of hobby lobby in search of the supplies for your next masterpiece. i have been creating art my whole life and it is a passion of mine. i usually specialize in painting canvas and furniture, as well as faux finishing walls, but i also love to do design and i've recently gotten into calligraphy. i'm thinking about starting up my own etsy site, but haven't made a decision yet...we'll see what the future holds. anyway, something i've gotten into recently is making paper flowers. i had the idea to make them for a project i'm doing for the wedding and it has become very addicting!! it takes almost an hour to make each flower because it's a very intricate process. you have to cut each petal out separately and then attach each individual petal to the stem. it is very tedious, but i'm happy with the results so far:

how cute are they!

the duke & duchess of cambridge hit up the calgary stampede. can't get over these two. a little obsessed.

when love finds you

as i sit here in my living room surrounded by wedding gifts, raffia and ribbon scattered at my feet, party favors to assemble, an endless to do list in my mind, i can't help but notice that the clock is ticking and there are only nine days until i walk down that aisle and say "i do." though i haven't been a "bridezilla," like any girl planning a wedding knows, it's easy to get so wrapped up in the wedding festivities that you forget why you're actually even getting married in the first place. i think there are several reasons that happens. for one thing, there's a lot riding on your wedding day, especially if you're a girl. especially if you're a girl who was raised in conservative, small-town west texas and then you went to baylor! it doesn't get any more southern and expectational than that! now, I'm not the kind of girl who finds total fulfillment in being married, but i'd be lying to you if i said i hadn't thought about this day from a young age. therefore, you add in the expectations of yourself and your life-long anticipation of this event, all the money and time that you and your parents have invested into the event for months on end, and if you're like me, you want everyone to walk away thinking, "wow, i just had the most incredible night!"

earlier today, i was sorting through some boxes and came across a journal that i had been writing in a lot last year. my whole life is collected in the pages of journals, but unfortunately that habit came to a halt with my teaching career. i started reading through the entries when i came across the one from june 12. i was amazed to see how influential God has been in the love story between theron and me. the gift of unconditional love is something i'm eternally grateful for and never in a million years thought i would actually receive. thus, it's not about the wedding...it's about celebrating the love and commitment between two people...as it should be.

June 12, 2010
1:47 p.m.

I'm really, really frustrated right now with EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. Nothing I seem to do is right. Nothing makes sense. When I finally seem to be on the right path, things fall apart. I'm trying to live so righteously and I'm trying to be aligned with God's will for my life, but sometimes this just feels so hopeless.

When will things be calm again? When can I stop worrying and feel at peace? I know I'm doubting God right now and I know that's not right, but sometimes (like right now) I feel so hopeless and alone. Not hopeless and alone as in suicidally depressed, but hopeless and alone as in I'm tired of always fighting for something, always having to take care of myself. One day, I just want someone to take care of me.

On that note, I feel that I have given online dating (a whole month of it!) a valiant effort and it's just not for me. Perhaps it's not good timing and perhaps I need to work on myself some more. I need to process a lot of things and I need to be able to give the right person a clean slate. However, even this frustrates me. Here I am taking classes and Bible studies, I've seen a counselor, I'm addressing my issues, I've been praying all the time, and I'm trying to love God with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength - but is there a man out there doing the same thing?

I have these high ideals about true love, honorable character, integrity, letting one woman satisfy you for the rest of your life...do these things even exist? Are they just a figment of my imagination? Horribly frustrating.

3:25 p.m.
As you can probably tell from the previous entry, I was pretty unglued. It got even worse when I was trying to do my certification program and the whole thing kept messing up.

I called my Mom and became hysterical, and remarkably, she made me feel so much better about things. I'm in such a rough place in my life financially, professionally, personally, but Mom always has this way of putting things into perspective for me. She gave me the whole "character building experience" pep talk and reminded me that I could be at home putting MaMaw into the nursing home and getting yelled at for not having a heart. She ended the conversation with something I've been hoping to hear for a long time, "Your time is coming Shannan." After I got off the phone, I went for a walk (per her suggestion) and wouldn't you know that it was a beautiful day outside and the very first song that came up on my iPod was Carrie Underwood's "So Small." What appropriate lyrics.

What you got if you ain't got love
The kind that you just want to give away
It's okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through

I know it's hard on a rainy day
You want to shut the world out
And just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbin'
is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searchin' for forever
is in your hands

And when you figure out
Love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
It swallows you whole

While you're sittin' 'round thinkin' 'bout what you can't change
And worryin' about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count cause you can't get it back

My mama's right. Everything's going to be alright and my time is coming.


Shannan met Theron later that night.