how dare you!

don't want to take up too much of your time, but i'd like to state the obvious just so we can clear something up. it would be in your best interest if you would refrain from insulting or speaking ill of george harvey strait in my presence.

last night, i let a few of the teachers borrow my laptop and they decided to peruse my itunes collection. i don't mind letting people look through my stuff, but i always feel a tinge of vulnerability when people want to investigate my "top 25 most played songs." i mean, these 25 songs are so telling about an individual, almost like a window into your soul. well, my colleagues found it highly amusing and in bad taste that a large percentage of my top 25 was taken up by mr. strait. the eye rolling and under-the-breath comments got even worse when they discovered that i have every last one of george's music videos downloaded as well. one teacher even made the comment, "i just don't believe how women find him remotely attractive...he's just so...so...cheesy."

at this point, i'm fuming. what can i say boys, 56 number one hits don't lie. neither does being second only to elvis and the beatles in record sales. this man is a living legend.

don't even know where to start with this one...

yes, i have been blog-absent for quite sometime now, but i swear to you, it is within good reason. first of all, as all of you recent college grads can well attest to, once you start working, sleep becomes increasingly more appealing than spending time blogging into the wee hours of the morning. (i ought to know, i have to be at work at 7 a.m.! me! 7 a.m.! --- i know there are some of you reading this right now who are shaking your heads and laughing uncontrollably) secondly, as i might have mentioned to you, since i am dirt poor and have no money to speak of, i pirate my internet connection off of my neighbors - the gonzalez family.

hard to believe this, but i have now been in mexico for 11 days. i'd be lying to you all if i said that the last 11 days has not been the most difficult, challenging, doubtful, ________ (feel free to fill in the blank with any other pejorative word) days of my life. to begin with, i had the most hellacious travel experience in the history of mankind; here's a little sampling: left the states way earlier than ever intended, thus had no time to pack nor say goodbye (perhaps this was for the best? we all know how i am at goodbyes), left my wallet at our house in shallowater, which had my id, which i needed to board the flight that left in 20 min., missed two flights only to end up in phoenix, arizona at 12:24 a.m. only to learn that my luggage was still in dallas. i spent the "night" (four hours) at a comfort suites in phoenix only to wake up at 4:30 a.m. in order to catch a bus to nogalez, arizona. for those of you who have never been to nogalez, please take my advice and don't bother stopping off at this border town, it would be in your best interest. it was the first time of many that i thought i might perish on my little journey in mexico. once in nogalez, i spent an entire day at the mexican consulate's office trying to obtain my mexican visa, but for some reason they thought all of my documents were fake...thank you go english. i finally got the visa (i have to say it's a pretty cool looking document) and boarded a bus to hermosillo, sonora, mexico. everything that anyone has ever told you about riding the bus in mexico...well, it's all true. i won't take the time to explain my big "welcome" to the company, but let's just say it was pretty negative. (keep in mind this is on day 4 of the commute and still i only have the clothes on my back.)

all of the events i described above added with some unfinished business back home caused me to have quite the meltdown. i would like to take the opportunity now to thank my dearest allison greer, jessica hartsell, crystal boyd, kent truett, bill sowder, and the ever-so-wise taylor harris for coming to the rescue and dealing with my neurotic state. someday i hope to return the favor.

rest assured, things have gotten much better. although i often feel like i am in the peace corp. and living in what i like to call my bohemian bungalow, i know this was the right decision for me at this time in my life. i absolutely love teaching and my students are what gets me through each day. i have no idea if i will make ESL my career, but there is nothing like seeing that proverbial lightbulb go off in their heads when they finally understand something. it has been such a gift to share my life with them. i'm also learning a lot about people and diversity. you can take all of the sociology and anthropology classes that a university can offer, but i don't think anyone can understand the true meaning of that word until you have been thrust into the situation i have been placed in. as my own mother can tell you, it was a youthful wish of mine to be chosen as a cast member of the real world for many years and like most things in life, you should probably be careful what you wish for - because yes, i now star in real world: mexico! where seven strangers... picked to live in a house...work together and have their lives taped... to find out what happens... when people stop being polite... and start getting real...

of course we have all of the token characters: black gay buddhist man, cool avante garde chick who had a child at 19 and prefers to watch foreign films, rather handsome looking young man who prefers to distance himself from everybody because of a girlfriend back home, wild-as-hell boy from tennessee who loves to drawl and drone on and on about how if you're not living for the lord you're going straight to hell (yet he loves to smoke cigs and sleep with mexican senoritas), etc. where does shannan fit into the equation? you guessed it, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed little girl from the south who is still not jaded from the "ways of the world." who did the casting for this show? it couldn't have been more cinematic.

since all 15 of us work together, live together, and socialize together, you can be sure that the tempers flair. on a daily basis, i deal with conversations on religion (is there really a pre-disposed gene found in people to love jesus?), race (man, you don't know what it's like to be me...you don't know what it's like to grow up in the ghetto of atlanta!), money (oh shannan, you're just a spoiled little country club brat...) and the ever-growing sexual tension in the house (did you guys see x and y last night! omg, they couldn't keep their hands off of each other...let's take a poll to see how long it will take them to hook up...)

some days are worse than others. i'll be doing perfectly fine laying on the beach or strolling through the neighborhood and loving the fact that i'm in another country -- and then all of a sudden, the homesickness hits. it comes like a wave and is triggered by the smallest of things. a reminder of an old memory from college, a song that comes up on shuffle from the ipod, when i check to see which texas country artists are on tour and realize that this is the first time in close to 10 years that i won't be going to see any of them live in concert.

to reiterate, i need to be here right now. i have to do this for myself. i have to know that this was something i could do, not something that i always talked about doing. unlike some people, i can't reconcile not chasing a dream or ambition. i need to be here to experience personal growth, to become a stronger person. to gain wisdom...resilience...tenacity...follow through. i need to ask myself, what can i learn from this experience? why did God put this desire in my heart to be here? but more than anything to do with ME, this company needed a breath of fresh air. the morale was very low when i arrived and if i can somehow be apart of maximizing optimism and motivation here, this journey of mine was not in vain.

as always, i miss you all so much and i think about each of you every day. please continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

just a tad bit intimidating i realize.

so i thought i would share with you daddy's new military photo from gitmo that he just sent me in the mail. immensely proud of you pops, but the lyrics to "cleaning this gun" can't seem to evade me. thanks for being such a badass.

the long-awaited, much-anticipated post.

alright, first of all, i must apologize for the title of this post because after typing it and re-reading it, i'm thinking, "shannan d'aun, how self-important are you that you think people are DYING to read about your life???" so yes, i apologize. second of all, warning: if you intend on reading this post in its entirety, you might want to go grab a cold one and make yourself nice and comfortable on your porch swing, because folks, it's going to be a long one.

i realize that some of you already know what's going on, but a lot of you think i'm still roaming around texas sleeping on couches and free-loading my life away.

rest assured: that baylor education is going to be utilized very soon; because that's right, i'm moving south of the border to monterrey, mexico!!!!!



i can see the wheels turning in your head. why would a girl accustomed to modern conveniences give up her car, her fantastic oh-so-amazing bed, her addiction to sonic, and the allure of a salary so that she could live in a third world country? the truth is, i'm ecstatic.

i've waited a long time to write this post because i wanted to make sure that everything was official, but i also had a hard time writing about it because i wasn't sure if i could actually go through with it. to enlighten you on my dilemma, i must take you back to a breezy afternoon, back in early april of this year. if you've been keeping up with my melodrama of a blog, you know that i really struggled this last semester of college to "find myself." everyone around me just seemed so sure of everything and for the very first time in my life, i was at a loss. the shannan sowder that i knew inside my head always had a plan, always had the next step of life ready and waiting in the wings, but not this time. for the first time in all of my 22 years, i was granted freedom - intoxicating, liberating, terrifying freedom. but because of the constant comparisons with my counterparts at baylor, i began to grow nauseatingly anxious that i didn't have my "ducks in a row yet." so i knelt to the pressure and began applying to every entry-level job from here to savannah, georgia just so that i could have something to tell everybody when they asked the inevitable question.

back to that day in april. as fate would have it, that day i walked past professor maxey parrish's door and noticed that he was busy typing away at his computer. i decided not to interrupt the man because i know how busy he is, plus i didn't want to intervene if he was in the middle of writing the next great american novel (because he will someday). he saw me slyly avoid his office and half-shouted, "shannan sowder, you get in here right now and update me on what you're doing with that life of yours!" oh no, not the question again. "well sir, i've been applying to a slew of jobs all over and i've landed five at this point, but it just doesn't feel right. something's off." to which he responded, "well of course something's off. that's not what you were intended to do. it's not your passion. tell me shannan, what would you do if you could do absolutely anything?" i said, "well maxey, you know if i could do anything, i'd see the world and then i'd write about it. but you know i can't do that. that's absolutely absurd. i'm just a little girl from shallowater, texas." maxey then let out a big sigh and chuckled to himself, "you know miss sowder, i'm disappointed in you. you used to be fearless. out of anybody i've taught, i figured you could handle this." so i walked out of his office that day stark-raving mad. but i also walked out of his office that day challenged and feeling hungry for something, a feeling i hadn't experienced for such a long time. you see, that 10 minute conversation, well to be honest - it was life altering. i walked out of castellaw that day a changed woman and maxey parrish, i blame you for all of it. okay not really. the truth is, you helped me realize that i was never lost. i knew what i wanted all along, but i simply wouldn't give myself the permission to do it.

that night i went the library and spent the next six hours researching jobs abroad. of course i wanted to do the hemingway thing and just write all of my thoughts down while sitting around some adorable little cafe amid a breathtaking landscape; but newsflash: i have no funds! i found listings for bartenders (hey i always thought i might be good at that), ship mates, baristas, au pairs, travel guides, and a lot of other unmentionable things; but the thing that really stood out to me was teaching. i've never aspired to be a teacher in any way shape or form, but it was the one job where i felt that i could actually make a difference. though i desperately wanted to return to europe, i soon learned that the red tape involved in getting a work visa and an international teaching certificate was just too lengthy. about five days into my research, i found a lead on a company called educaz based in monterrey and hermosillo, mexico. after reading the job description, visiting the company website, and talking to some of the employed teachers, i thought this could be a fit. after filling out a mountain of paperwork and going through a pretty intensive interview process, i finally got the job!!!!

i just think this is going to be so freaking cool. i'll be working in the business district of monterrey as a language consultant teaching conversational english to mexican business associates. i'm told that i will have some high school students as well, but for the most part, the program is aimed at working professionals who would like to expand their language skills so that they can compete in the international business market. though my job is obviously my top priority and the reason that i'm going to mexico, i'm also going for personal reasons. a) i've been trying to master the spanish language for the last two years and while i'm pretty conversational, i haven't achieved fluency yet. this venture should allow me to do that. b) because i know absolutely no one involved in this program nor anyone from monterrey, i'm going to have a lot of time on my hands to do some soul searching. i'm looking forward to doing a tremendous amount of writing and also exploring/strengthening my relationship with God. (let's face it, I'm going to have to depend on Him A LOT.)

though i can't wait for my big adventure to begin, i realize that everything will not be a bed of roses. what if i'm terrible at my job and they're forced to fire me? what if i get kidnapped in a dark alley never to see the light of day again? what if no one likes me? what if i'm miserable and lonely? that is the question that haunts me the most. i'm going to miss the people in my life desperately.

my family is my everything. you have made so many emotional, financial, and physical sacrifices so that you could make me happy. i know it's not easy for you to let me go, but you know that by letting me go, you are actually loving me the best way that you can. your endless support and prayers mean the world to me. how can i express my thanks to you for giving me both roots AND wings? i simply can't do it justice.

my friends, you are my rock. you are my cheerleaders, my sounding board, my wingwomen, my laughter. you are what keeps me sane and young. we know each other inside out and we have truly seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. thank you for loving me despite all of my flaws. i'm so, so, so proud of each and every one of you. how did i get so lucky to have such incredible people as friends? this summer especially, several of you have showed me that you would bend over backward to be there for me. someday, i hope that i can return the favor.

to one person in particular (you know who you are), i will miss you more than you will ever know or more than i care to admit. you have shown me that yes, those good 'ol texas boys really do exist and yes, there are people out there who know more about country music than me. thank you for teaching me about patience, but more than that, thank you for proving to me that i could have faith in someone again. thank you for letting me go chase my dreams and please know that i will always be supportive of yours.

now that i've managed to write the liner notes to my greatest hits album, i'm going to wind this thing down. i just wanted to catch everyone up on what's going on because i know at my attempt to be somewhat mysterious, i can be quite evasive (curse of the scorpio.) anyway, just know that i have no idea what the hell i'm doing and i love that. if any of you get the itch to come down to old mexico, please call me and we'll explore this territory together! i love you all. very much.

one tiny pearl of wisdom

so i just returned from the most fabulous, decadent wedding i have ever been to in my life! props to lindsey coffman macleod on pulling off this event because it was spectacular! everything from the full choir to the hamburgers and fries served at midnight - this bride truly thought of EVERYTHING! not to mention she looked like a supermodel...

anyway, i could go on about this wedding forever, but this post is in regards to something that happened at the wedding. at the reception, i was seated next to a baylor girl, one of my sorority sisters actually, and i had the best time catching up with her. in college, she and i ran in different social circles and while i knew her name and where she was from, i am embarrassed to admit that i knew little else about her. (sad, but true, when a sorority has 200 members, you don't truly get to know EVERYONE; sorry to bust the myth that we're all tight as family.)

okay, back to the story...this girl was just so warm and charming, telling me all about her love life, struggles with graduating, navigating post-college life, etc. i couldn't help but think, why didn't i get to know her better when we were in college? i really missed out on getting to know such an amazing person. then she said something that i don't think i'll ever forget.

this particular person was gone from baylor for an entire year due to studying abroad and then subsequently taking a semester off. she told me about how when she came back to baylor after taking such a long hiatus, she felt lost, excluded, and somehow disoriented about missing out on so much. then she said, "you know, when i came back to that first theta meeting after being gone for so long, you were the only person who talked to me. the only one. all you said was hi and you asked me how i was doing, but that meant so much to me. i've never forgotten that."

of course i don't remember this exchange, but i couldn't believe the effect that a mere commonplace greeting had on someone's life. this got me to thinking...how much power do we really have over improving each other's lives by doing the most menial tasks? a random phone call on a tuesday night, a handwritten thank you note to express your indebted gratitude, a smile and a wink, the fetching of a customized cup of coffee.

a quote that i keep close to my heart is "people will forget what you said and people will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel." maya angelou, i think you were right about that.

i think i missed my calling in life...

yeah, i want to save the world and all, but right now all i want to do is be in alan jackson's "good time" video...



thanks for bringing back line dancing sir.

misguided offspring...

over the course of spending the last 2 weeks in washington d.c. i have had the lovely pleasure of making the acquaintance of several of the children of our country's political vips, and i have to say - about 95% of them are complete screw-ups! i'm normally not one to go throwing other people under the bus, but then again, if you would have witnessed the antics of howard dean's son last saturday night or those of al gore jr. the weekend before, you would question their sanity and morality too.

this got me to thinking...

why do accomplished, honorable, highly intelligent people breed imbeciles? no i'm not strictly referring to the two cases mentioned above (their contribution to society could be argued...), but i am referring to parents who have horrible, ungrateful children when the parents in question seem to be successful people.

what really bothers me is that all these kids haven't done a damn thing, they simply ride the coattails of their parent's hard work and accomplishments. they have loads of money, but they have no real respect for what it took to get their family in such a fortunate situation. however, to play devil's advocate (because i love doing so), i think there is a direct correlation between having a time consuming, demanding job and children suffering for lack of attention. in a lot of these scenarios, father dearest was probably never home, thus resulting in a subpar relationship with his family.

okay i'll stop analyzing, but these kids need to shape up. or else - i'm going to release my horribly incriminating pictures to the media for an undisclosed sum...

a tribute that is long overdue...

though father's day has officially come and gone, i still feel the need to dote on my father a bit. though i have been a daddy's girl for as long as i can remember, i have realized over the last year just how much william charles means to my life.

upon careful thought and recollection, i believe that my daddy is the best man on earth for the following reasons:

first of all, my dad has the most hilarious sense of humor. okay, so he's not joel mchale or conan, but he is just so darn funny. my whole family agrees that the man is a deadringer for clark griswald and if you ever experienced a sowder family vacation, you would know why. there was the time he became mesmerized at chicago's o'hare airport because he was standing behind "mr. t." at the ticket counter of american airlines or the time he split his pants at wrigley field because he was diving for a homerun ball with all the other 13-year-olds. but who could forget the cruise of '99 when pops sang "double vision" in the karaoke room (my personal favorite?) pretty much, he's a goofball. but i love it. and believe me, no one's a better storyteller.



second of all, my dad is as tough as nails. he's a man's man. and frankly, in the emasculated world we live in today, it's nice to know a man who possesses true grit. ever since i was born, my dad has worn wranglers, boots, his hat and driven a truck (some of my best memories are when he would take me out to drive that truck and we'd listen to randy travis and bocephus.) he's a marksman and he's wrestled alligators with his own two hands. he's played the gridiron sport his whole life and much to his delight, he is now living vicariously through andy. did i mention that his degree from a&m was in engineering and he is a real handyman? this must be where my love for a man who can put in some real manual labor comes from. what can i say, daddy's right on par with chuck norris.



next, my dad is so smart! upon meeting him, he might not strike you as brilliant (his dialect or countenance certainly wouldn't fit in with any ivy league school), it's a different kind of intelligence, something i like to call wisdom. i'm just so freaking proud of him. he has worked so, so hard to achieve all of the things that he has done (everything from operating a law firm, being elected to four consecuative terms as lubbock country district attorney - a feat no one has yet to attain, serving as a district judge, and finally spending 20+ years with the u.s. army.) amazing things of course, but i am proudest of my dad for using his knowledge to help people. his entire life, he has gone out of his way to aid others and i can't begin to tell you how many lives he has touched by helping out with a struggling family's rent payment or offering to work on a case pro-bono. of course daddy has never mentioned any of these things to me or anyone else, i only find out about such things when the individual tells me out of gratitude for my father's services. the man is so humble that is astonishes me. daddy always fought for the underdog and because of his selfless service and infinite wisdom, i think daddy resembles atticus finch.



finally, i love my daddy for just being him. daddy's a dying breed. he's just such a simple man. he doesn't care much for "new-fangled technology" or luxuries. if he has a place to rest his head at night and his family is provided for, he's more than happy. daddy has been blessed, but he has always given credit where credit is due, which is to say that he has placed all of his faith in God. he has such a strong, deep, and steady faith with the Lord. yes, he's wrestled with God, but he has never lost hope that a relationship with Jesus is absolutely the most important thing in a person's life. though daddy had to deal with a daughter who loved boys on motorcycles and had a talent for racking up speeding tickets all over texas, he never once yelled, he always gave me "the dissapointed look" which was enough to make me cry every time. it's from daddy that i learned about sacrifice, committment, and the power of a positive outlook on life. daddy also taught me about building and maintaining relationships, which he considers to be commandment. i have always, always, always been able to count on my daddy and he has never not been there for me. though i've had some broken hearts, i have never given up hope that a good man exists because i have witnessed the virtues of a good man my whole life.

not sure they make them like you anymore daddy, but i haven't given up yet. one thing's for sure, i'll always be your girl ;)

shannan's book club

yes i am a bookworm, unapologetically so, might i add. i am proud to be a nerd and i am proud to rendevouz at b&n until they kick me out each night.

i can't explain it, but i just love books - everything about them (the way they smell, the carefully contrived cover art, the anticpation and expectation, etc.). however, i think what i love most is that feeling of getting lost in the words, that entanglement that happens when you become so engrossed in the plot that you feel like you're scout finch, josephine march, or daisy buchannan. although it takes an excellent writer to achieve this for his or her reader, when there is a true writer-reader connection, it's the best kind of magic.

whether it is just plain sad or pathetic, the way that i can always guage whether a book has truly been inspiring/memorable/impacting is that moment when i'm about 10 pages from finishing it and i feel almost heartsick. it's like i've had this beautiful, wonderful, passionate, intimiate relationship and it's all ending. this is most evident when i embark upon reading a thick book (case in point: last summer reading all 1,083 pages of lonesome dove...oh larry mcmurtry, you knew exactly what you were doing.) but i will say this, the great thing about books, as apposed to irrovecable, final breakups w/ that tragically beautiful bad boy who made you believe that you were going to be the woman who unearthed his heart of gold (definitely not speaking from experience here ;) is that the book always invites you to come back for another go-around without the sting of abandonment.

so now that everyone thinks that i will inevitably become the old public librarian w/ a million felines, i'll divulge the real reason for this post. i have started my very own book club! though i read a lot in college, there really wasn't time for pleasure reading so i have had an overwhelming stack waiting for the moment when i finally graduated. since i am taking the summer "off" for sorts, i have accounted for reading a book every single week this summer, which means that by the end of the summer, i should have read 14 books.

so far, i have read hemingway's the sun also rises, a book called stolen innocence by elissa wall which chronicles her escape from warren jeffs and the flds, and today i finished john berendt's midnight in the garden of good and evil.

i just want to take some time to rave about that book, because it's seriouly the best thing i've read in quite a long time. of course it being southern gothic and appearing on the new york times bestsellers' list for 216 weeks was great, but berendt's eccentric characters that make the city of savannah, georgia come alive are just fantastic. i cannot believe this book is based on actual events! i would kill to have the opportunity that berendt had in writing his novel. i don't want to give anything away, but this is a must-read!



*also, i was so enthralled w/ this book, that i went out and rented the 1997 flick based on the book. being produced and directed by clint eastwood, i had very high expectations and the movie was really great. fascinating really. and kevin spacey, wow! he had that deep southern accent down to a tee.

starting the shack by william young tomorrow, but i'm open for any suggestions!

a salute to sex (and the city...)

yes darlings, it's time for me to give my thoughts on the sex & the city film! for those of you who have been living under a rock for the last year, you should know that this movie is of epic proportions for women everywhere. i'll admit that i was skeptical about the movie, i mean hello! how could anything be more divine than the television show...the writing is just brilliant!

HOWEVER,

i am pleased to announce that the movie rose above my expectations. it seems to be getting panned by the critics, but i think the story is geuniune and heartfelt. call me crazy, but as loyal fans of the satc franchise, we weren't going to the movie to think, analyze, and ponder life's greatest mysteries a la the constant gardener or hotel ruwanda. this movie was about love, fashion, girlfriends, and bringing together two people despite life's obstacles. i personally came away from the movie with a deeper appreciation for my female friendships, knowing that the women in my inner circle will always, always, always be there for me.

i'm not giving absolutely anything away, but you must go see this movie!