weak in the knees...

so earlier tonight i had coffee with jason, a dear old friend of mine. as we were catching up over the pitfalls of graduating college, our mutual love (and disdain) for politics and the genius of bruce springsteen, jason began to update me on his newest love interest. while britney "deadringer for rachel mcadams" (well hell, i sure hope she bears more of a resemblance to allie hamilton rather than her trainwreck of a namesake) sounds like an absolute doll, i would like to give her my most genuine, well-intentioned warning that jason is the ultimate bachelor and will never commit. i give it three more weeks...possibly a few days, if jason gets cold feet about giving the obligatory christmas gift.

however i could be wrong about this one. it seems little miss britney's been playing hard-to-get, apparently so much so that even jason, player extaordinaire, is coming to me for advice...hahaha i like this girl so much already. anyway, he pleaded with me to tell him what he could do/say to get her attention.

several scenarios played through my head: a) there's the john cusack standing with a boombox over your head playing peter gabriel's "your eyes" b) you could stand out on the bough of a ship with the wind blowing through your hair - king of the world anyone? c) even better, kill two birds with one stone and pull a tom cruise. two great options to choose from - a young maverick, clad in navy whites slips a quarter in the jukebox, "you never close your eyes anymore when i kiss your lips..." or you could recite "we live in a cynical world..."

coming from someone who was the victim of a recent horrendously mortifying display of the public romantic gesture, i suggest doing something discreet and personal. though *gaylord (*all names have been changed as to prevent further humiliation) thought having a waitress hand him an acousic guitar in the middle of waco's swankiest restaurant so that he could serenade me with an original ballad was a good idea at the time, he failed to recognize several key factors. first of all, *gaylord you aren't even a musician! second, don't get your dating advice from bret michaels courtesy "rock of love" or even worse, mystery from "the pick-up artist!" third, a mass of people in a restaurant should not be clapping because they think you are PROPOSING when we aren't even dating!!!

sorry, just had to get that off my chest.

don't know what will work for britney, but for all of the gents looking to woo a simple girl like me, driving around in your pickup truck and hearing you say, "shannan sowder, i'm your huckleberry" will work wonders. you see, i did some research, and the phrase made famous by doc holiday (or val kilmer - you decide) means "well ma'am, i'm just the man you've been looking for!" aw...sweet perfection...